worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
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Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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