I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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