I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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