WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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