I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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