physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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