Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize