the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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