Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize