I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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