My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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