Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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