I have demons in me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize