Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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