"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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