Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
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I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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