But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize