I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
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He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize