Got a toothbrush?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
