The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
