I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
