Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize