I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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