her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize