sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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