I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize