thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize