Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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