There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize