Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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