it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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