I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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