i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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