Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize