guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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