I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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