Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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