So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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