I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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