We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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