When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can I color on your dick again?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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