Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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