last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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