3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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