can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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he quoted the bible to break up with me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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