i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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