there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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