She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You left your phone here
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