My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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