Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think a kid would responsible me up
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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