I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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