just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize