How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize